"I'd actually like to relax and get to have mothers day off too you know," my mother says.
My older sister Erin and I have decided to shop, buy, cook and clean the mothers day dinner for our mother. We are taking her to breakfast in the morning and have offered to take her out, say for a pedicure, etc, but our ideas have been shot down. Instead we have a tailor made day for her planned. None of the day involves relaxation on either of our part. Erins daughters are twins (11 yrs old) and M. (5 yrs old). My babe is 2 yrs old with a smile and penchant for tantrum flailing. Our day does not consist of anything but attempting to please our mother, the same as we have tried to do since we were younger.
At 28 and 33 years old, we are a little more than sick of feeling like nothing that we do matter to her. As mothers, we are tired of feeling like we shouldnt also get a day to relax.
Life works mysterious magic and the both of us are single mothers, not as valuable or worthwhile as our married other sisters. We both love our children more than anyone could understand, but it gets old- quick -hearing things like that from my mothers mouth.
There are no partners to high five us and say "good job!" Instead, we mop up on mothers day, twin single cinderellas, and fix the feast for a mother who doesnt seat us at the same big kid table as our siblings.
*rant over.
for now.
3 talking to's:
That pisses me off for you! RUDE! I barely talk to my mother but she is never rude to me. Hugs! I hope your Mothers Day is fabulous and that eventually the day is ALL about you! Happy Mothers Day!
I vote that next year you and your sister give your Mom a phonecall, and the two of you celebrate Mother's Day without her.
Guaranteed to be a better day!
I debated on whether to comment on this, because it's sure to be unpopular, but I thought you might benefit from the perspective of someone at the big kid table. I don't know what your mom's thoughts on all this are, but as the "responsible" sibling in my own family, I can tell you that it gets old knowing that an overwhelming amount of family energy is always going to be devoted to the siblings who still "need" our mom. Every milestone I reach is never without the low-hanging cloud of whatever drama might be going on with my brother, if even just that he's still living at home and off of our mother. Because our mother doesn't have the extra $ support him, I know that the longer he lives with her, the longer it will be until she's able to quit one of her jobs and be able to enjoy some free time, and, yes, be more available for me. It's that much longer before I can visit her and not have him around; sometimes I'd like my mom to myself. I'd like to be able to drop my child off there and know that he'll get grandma's undivided attention once in a while. I'd like to not worry about them all the time. I love my family and I have a lot to be thankful for, and I try not to let my resentment show, but I definitely understand that sometimes you just get tired of it.
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